Who's that in your mirror....

Who do you blame...

I come from a very large family and used to say that our family put the "func" in dysfunctional. Needless to say we had our moments. If one sibling wasn't in trouble on any given day another may have been. My natural father was not just physically abusive to us kids but so abusive to my mother that it mad life a living hell at times.

I spent years and years blaming my mother for all the bad things that happened to me over the years and I was wrong. Even in my adult life if I screwed something up..".it was mom's fault"," she allowed me to be screwed up and it was just clouding my judgement"..."it was all I knew", "I was raised that way". WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!!!

After many years of therapy I have opened my eyes to alot of reality. My mother is NOT to blame for all the bad things that happen in my life. The old pile of bones and rotted flesh buried deep in a grave on the east side of Manchester, Connecticut can take the burden for the majority of adolescent garbage. Okay that covers the early years...who is to blame for all the other crap?

I recall a trip to the Bronx Zoo many years ago where they had this exhibit of "The World's Deadliest Animal". All over the zoo this was being advertised, I recall one of the signs that said it "had killed more of it's own then any other creature in history". I needed to see this animal, I had to brag to my friends that I had seen something they may never have the chance to see in their lives. All excited, I walked into this caged house area and as I walked up to peak in there was a mirror inside.

I was looking at an image of myself.

At some point in our lives we all need to take responsibility for our own actions. The time for blaming others has to go away and we need to look in the mirror and see just who the enemy is.
My mom did everything you knew to protect us as her children. She worked two jobs to provide when the old man abandoned us and she did what was right by all of us. She did what a mother does...SHE PROTECTED HER YOUNG. We as adults are the responsible parties for our decisions beyond the nest. I was convinced for many years prior to intensive mental health treatment that mom owed me an apology for all the garbage and bad things that have ever happened to me...I WAS WRONG!!! I OWE MOM THE APOLOGIES FOR ALL THE CRAP I PUT ON HER PLATE!!!

So before you are to quick to jump up and down and say "I was wronged" look at the person in the mirror and see the world's most dangerous animal. As you progress through therapy you will begin to like the person looking back at you.


See you soon.