And so the season of Lent begins again....

I want to share some thoughts and feelings about Lent that will probably be with my for the rest of my life. Now understand that through many years of intensive individual and group therepy I have learned to deal with these issues. The difference today is that through these sessions I have learned NOT to let the past engulf me or take control of my daily life.

It was about 7 years ago that I was driving around my hometown with a friends fairly new Jetta chain smoking my Marlboro Reds with a full gas can on the floorboard next to me. I was in the middle of the most serious emotional crash I had ever experienced. I was sadly seeking the strength to burn myself in this innocent individuals car. I wanted to die and I didn't car who it hurt or the damages I was going to leave behind.

Then the damned cell phone rings and it is a very dear friend Fr. Joseph an Episcopal priest I am working with and he sences that something is wrong. He was checking up on me due to some difficulties I had been having on the days leading up to this point. He convinces me to meet with him and we decide to meet at my and my wife's house in 20 minutes (I firgure this gives me enough time to stash my gas can and complete my business once he goes away). Well I get to the house and he's already there.

After he assures me that everything is going to be okay, and that no one is going to turn their backs on me for my actions and suicidal thoughts we decide it may be best for me to check myself into a local hospital for a short evaluation and possible referral to out patient treatment. My wife is out of town on business and we call her and she is all for it, she also assures me that this is what "everyone" thinks is best. So off we go to the Institute of Living a very elite treatment facility in Hartford, Connecticut.

During the next 31 days of intensive inpatient treatment I am evaluated and diagnosed (there's that label word again) and the following events take place...ALL DURING LENT...THE SEASON OF FORGIVENESS!

1. My wife comes to visiting with the priest to check on me and assure me all is going to be okay. (This was the Saturday before Palm Sunday) 2. My priest friend annoints me with oil and presents me with palms for the celebration of the palms. 3. Monday morning I am served with divorce papers on the closed unit of the treatment facility. 4. Another very trusted priest friend refuses to take my call and sends word through my unit case worker that I am not to call him ever again. 5. I discover that the law firm representing my wife is also the firm that a thrird trusted friend and priest works for full time. 6. My mother and I get into a huge screaming match on the telephone and she sends word never to call her again. 7. My daughter comes to see me during a visit on the Wednesday before Easter and she is upset that I am in there.

All of these things happened during LENT. THE SEASON OF CLEANSING AND FORGIVENESS!!!

It is not until years later that I begin to understand that I was a scapgoat for many of these people. I had recently been elected as the assistant treasurer of my local church, I was on a fast track to ordination as a deacon in the episcopal church, I was being trusted to assist others in crisis when the priests didn't have the time and now I was melting down. The mad man had slipped past them and made them all look like jack asses to their superiors.

I don't hold grudges, and I have come a long way since that fatal crash. I share this story with you today as Lent begins for a couple of reasons. First and foremost...if you feel abandoned by your spiritual mentors please remember that GOD hasn't abadnoned you,,,people have!!!  Second, holding grudges can eat you alive. Always find it in your heart to forgive. While we can't forget the past...we can learn to cope and become better people for it.

So, the season of Lent begins....

See you soon and many blessings