Over the next few days I will be sharing my thoughts and feelings about the dysfunctional family. While I have studied this issue at great length my own personal experience growing up is what I believe is the best research anyone can have as a model when taking the dysfunctional family into consideration. First we must consider what many professionals believe the description of the dysfunctional family is.
“A dysfunctional family is a working entity in which conflict, misbehavior, and often abuse on the part of individual members occur continually and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions. Children sometimes grow up in such families with the understanding that such an arrangement is normal. Dysfunctional families are primarily a result of co-dependent adults, and may also be affected by addictions, such as substance abuse (alcohol, drugs, etc.). Other origins include untreated mental illness, and parents emulating or over-correcting their own dysfunctional parents. In some cases, a "child-like" parent will allow the dominant parent to abuse their children…
Adapted from a combination of various resources
I guess before I go much further, I should say that I truly feel that everyone has a dysfunctional member in their family and if you think I am wrong then you yourself may be the person who is most likely dysfunctional.
I have learned that there are six basic roles that children adopt while living in a dysfunctional family. These six roles are listed below (not in any specific order).
The Angel or Hero Child: a child who assumes the parental role.
The Troubled (or problem) Child: the child who is blamed for most problems and may be partly responsible for the family's dysfunction, in spite of often being the only emotionally stable one in the family. This role sometimes can also be referred to as the Scapegoat or Black Sheep.
The Caretaker: the one who takes responsibility for the emotional well-being of the family.
The Lost Child: the inconspicuous, quiet one, whose needs are usually ignored or hidden.
The Jester: uses comedy to divert attention away from the increasingly dysfunctional family system. Some professionals also refer to this child as the Mascot.
The Mastermind: the opportunist who capitalizes on the other family members' faults in order to get whatever he or she wants. Often the object of appeasement by grown-ups.
In my own family I must say that I personally could have been referred to as any of these figures with the exception of the Angel Child (although I did attempt to fill that role later in life). As I think back over the years I truly best filled the Jester’s role and warn anyone in any kind of mental health treatment that it is very dangerous TO CONTINUE THIS ROLE AS AN ADULT.
I have discovered that I can so easily fall back into the Jester’s role and take the true focus off of the core problems at hand. For example, if I am talking to my therapist Rhonda about a situation with my mother or daughter that really is hitting a sore spot, I can make a joke or something about a matter that is totally unrelated to try and avoid the actual topic. Personally, I must admit that Rhonda has discovered this about me faster than any previous therapist and it is more difficult to pull it off. I don’t try this intentionally mind you I think this is sometimes a natural defense mechanism.
To be continued….
See you soon – Have a great day
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