The amazing decision to move.....

Imagine for a minute if you will the distress I was in back about five years ago when I suddenly found myself within hours of becoming homeless. I had money in my pocket and a few dollars in the bank and no where to sleep that very Friday evening. It was raining and there was a taste of cold weather in the air. A friend of mine who was living in a rooming house at the time explained that there were rooms empty where he was staying.

Having lived from one rooming house to another many years prior I was sickened to even consider the thought of returning to the hell of that style of shelter. Weighing my limited options I broke down and contacted the owner and upon his learning that I had cash he was more than happy to provide me with a room and dry place to lay my head. That was five years ago...Oh how times have changed...

I have no regrets that jump right out and haunt me. I had the opportunity to meet my wonderful wife and my adopted Pop Danny. I believe I have made some sort of differences in the lives of many people. I was able to experience and meet more folks than I ever would have from all walks of life (some good people and a lot of idiots). There are a few things that people take for granted that I will not miss (and may take some getting used to in the new place).

1. I no longer will have to carry my toilet paper with me to the bathroom.
2. No more sharing a stove and mix and match pots and pans.
3. No more having to write our names on food in a community fridge.
4. No more dead bolt locking of the bedroom door at night.
5. No more fear of someone falling asleep and burning the place down at night due to intoxication or stupidity.
6. No more folks knocking on our window because they have locked themselves out.
7. Now we can leave our shampoos and toiletries in the bathroom.
8. The ability to have more family and friends visit without fellow renters gazing at them.
9. The ability of walking to the bathroom in my boxers in the middle of the night if I so desire.

These are just a few of the things that come to mind right off. I could most likely write for hours but you get the idea. Now comes the excitement of doing a full deep cleaning of the new place, packing and cleaning of the old place and making the long journey from old to new. Over the next few days I will be adding to the adventures of the grand move. Check back for the updates.

Happy Trials....See you soon...

Bill

Where are you in your relapse?

I recently had an opportunity to spend a few hours of quiet time with an old friend who like myself struggles with addiction and mental health issues. In our conversations he challenged me to take a deep look at myself and consider that we are ALL in some stage of relapse. My first thought was to tell this person I thought he was off his rocker. Then I considered a few ideas that I would like to share this morning.

First we should define what a relapse is. Webster puts it something like this:

“the act or an instance of backsliding, worsening, or subsiding.”

“a recurrence of symptoms of a disease after a period of improvement”.

Now I know a lot of folks claim to be “clean and sober” and have given up their drug of choice and on the outer shell appear to be doing great. But our recovery or spiritual journeys also must come from within. We abused our bodies and our inner parts for many many years before we came to a turning point that caused us to seek help. My wife recently had a major intestinal surgery and while the external incisions are healing and fading the internal parts may take months if not years to totally return to normal functions.

Do you find yourself backsliding spiritually? Are you tired, angry, depressed, sad, or find yourself on spending binges? Are you gambling or taking risks that may be substitutes for your original drug of choice? Use of profanity or diminished shows of affection to a loved one can all be signs of a relapse. Many folks think they have given up the physical issue that held them in bondage for years and they are healed. This is not the case my friends.

It takes a very long time to heal from whatever it was that caused you to just give up. Counseling both group and individual are so important in this journey. I personally continue to seek the advise of mental health professionals. It is so vital to the ongoing recovery. Many times a non bias second opinion is critical to spotting a problem. I recently had a one on one session with my therapist Ms. Rhonda where she asked me why I was using such profanity in describing a subject we were discussing. She not only caught the “potty mouth” but a full change in the way I was sitting and presenting myself at that moment. She was actually able to get to the root of what was truly bothering me when I was so enraged that it was causing me denial and pain that even I didn't have the ability to recognize.

So while we may be chemical free this day, while we may be free of the desire to place that next bet or scratch that next instant ticket, while we may be free of th need for a 12 step group or an hour in church on Sunday are we totally free from a relapse?

Take a few quiet moments and conduct a personal and spiritual inventory of yourself. Then ask yourself (like I have), “where are you in your relapse today”.

Many blessings....see you soon

(Thanks to Brother Steve for the inspiration and guidance)